"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
splinters make it hard to masturbate
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
