physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Randomize
