Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
FUCK WHALES
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
