I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
