That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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