we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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