I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
We are two peas in an std pod
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize
