He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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