I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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