that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
