now i know why i became what i already was.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
