They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
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