oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
