I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
