I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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