Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
