but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
