Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
