I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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