My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
