it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
The beer is more important than you right now.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
