the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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