I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
