You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
