there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
