man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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