I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
