im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
