69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
People in love make me want to vomit
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize
