Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Just pee around me
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
