I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
