yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
i think my cat just said my name.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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