She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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