this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
