i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I would ride that face into the sunset
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
