I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
