dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
So many bounce houses so little time
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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