Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I just want nice things and good sex
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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