Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
