I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
