i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
