How'd it feel making her break her religion?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
