How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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