Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Randomize
