Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
