Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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