shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
