I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
