did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
