i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
