Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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