My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Randomize
