Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
