god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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