Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
my poor anus
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
