you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
