I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
