DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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