You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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