She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Are my feet made of real feet?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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