The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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