After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
