I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
love makes seman taste better
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Randomize
