You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
