I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
